Well, I decided it was time for another facelift for the blog.
I had decided to expand the colors in my wardrobe this year as I start buying smaller sizes. I wanted more bright colors in my closet. So in keeping with that frame of mind I chose this much brighter, cleaner, and easier to read format. I had tried to make this thing look "cool" and like it had a lot to offer with multiple columns and stuff. But when I sat down to update this tonight I felt like it was just too much. I'm a simple kind of girl (okay, so not really but we can pretend, right?) and so a simple look is what I need.
I think I am going to like this a lot. I hope that it's easy to navigate and that you can really get a feel for who I am and what I'm up to. I think with all the side bars you can easily keep up with what I'm working on as far as reading and writing goes.
I don't have a lot more to update you on than that. New year, new look! I've changed my hair color, I'm losing weight, and I'm powering through with positive thinking!
Until next time!
Health, Peace, & Happiness,
lindsayallison
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
progress not perfection
Tyra always tells her models, "Progress not perfection."
I need to keep that in mind myself. I need to remember that my heaviest weigh in was 225lbs at 5'7". And that's just the highest number I ever saw. Who KNOWS what my actual heaviest weight was.
I am currently sitting at 186lbs. For those of you keeping track that's about 40lbs lost so far. I had lost some weight on my own about a year and a half ago when I just stopped eating out so much and just tried to cut back on portions a little.
I have lost 11 pounds since I started really trying to change my lifestyle. I have fallen off the wagon a little bit with my eating, but I plan to go grocery shopping tomorrow and get all my healthy foods.
My goal is to get to 150lbs and/or a size 10. Once I get there, I will reassess and see if I can safely go smaller. I have some curves to me that will definitely hinder me getting to be stick thin, lol.
I can and will do this. I just have to remember that I need PROGRESS not PERFECTION.
Three years ago, I was close to a size 18. Three years ago, I couldn't get my belt ends to meet, never mind put it on. Three years ago, I couldn't wrap a towel around myself and be covered. Three years ago, I couldn't get my class ring on my finger. Three years ago, I weighed close to 230lbs.
Today, I am a size 12 and even those are getting a little loose. Today I not only wear my belt, and I'm about to move it down another notch. Today, I can wear a towel and it will stay on. Today, I am wearing my class ring. Today, I am 186lbs.
Just keep reminding yourself of where you've been, how far you've come, and then look at where you want to go. Whether your destination is just a few feet away from you or it's that tiny dot on the horizon just remember that the destination IS IN SIGHT.
lindsayallison
I need to keep that in mind myself. I need to remember that my heaviest weigh in was 225lbs at 5'7". And that's just the highest number I ever saw. Who KNOWS what my actual heaviest weight was.
I am currently sitting at 186lbs. For those of you keeping track that's about 40lbs lost so far. I had lost some weight on my own about a year and a half ago when I just stopped eating out so much and just tried to cut back on portions a little.
I have lost 11 pounds since I started really trying to change my lifestyle. I have fallen off the wagon a little bit with my eating, but I plan to go grocery shopping tomorrow and get all my healthy foods.
My goal is to get to 150lbs and/or a size 10. Once I get there, I will reassess and see if I can safely go smaller. I have some curves to me that will definitely hinder me getting to be stick thin, lol.
I can and will do this. I just have to remember that I need PROGRESS not PERFECTION.
Three years ago, I was close to a size 18. Three years ago, I couldn't get my belt ends to meet, never mind put it on. Three years ago, I couldn't wrap a towel around myself and be covered. Three years ago, I couldn't get my class ring on my finger. Three years ago, I weighed close to 230lbs.
Today, I am a size 12 and even those are getting a little loose. Today I not only wear my belt, and I'm about to move it down another notch. Today, I can wear a towel and it will stay on. Today, I am wearing my class ring. Today, I am 186lbs.
Just keep reminding yourself of where you've been, how far you've come, and then look at where you want to go. Whether your destination is just a few feet away from you or it's that tiny dot on the horizon just remember that the destination IS IN SIGHT.
lindsayallison
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Far Away
The room was rather small for a bar, but it had all the characteristics. The lighting was dim and the air full of the smoke from cigarettes. The room was half full, but the soft murmur of talking made it seem as if only a few people were there.
It was a night like any other at her local karaoke bar. All of the regulars were there, talking and laughing together. It was the weekend and singing over a crackling speaker was their means of relaxing after a stressful week. There was a sense of calm in the slow pace of the bar. Nothing ever changed which brought a feeling of comfort to each of them.
She heard her name called over the low noise of the bar. She looked up at the DJ for confirmation that she had indeed heard her name. She smiled as she walked gracefully to the area at the front of the room that acted as the stage. She subconsciously pressed a hand to her abdomen in an attempt to calm the butterflies in her stomach. It didn’t seem to matter how many times she did this, she always got nervous before she performed.
She had been coming to this karaoke bar for over two years now. Like all of the regulars, she had a lineup of her “normal” songs. They were hers and no one else dared sing them without asking her permission first. It was an unspoken rule that they all followed. But this next song was not one that anyone had ever really shown an interest in singing.
It had been added to her repertoire of songs about three months prior. She had loved this song from the first time she heard it. She felt a deep connection to the song and it had taken a lot of nerve for her to finally try it. So when she finally did try it the nervous energy seemed to drive the feeling of the song. She had been told that despite it originally being sung by a male vocalist with a raspy voice, there was something about a female voice that made the song even more beautiful.
She picked up the mic and made sure to flip the switch so that it was turned on. She gently tapped the top of the mic out of mindless habit to make sure she could hear it over the crappy speakers of the bar. The music started up and the small crowd cheered. This was definitely one of her more popular songs. She took a deep breath and bowed her head, memories and emotions she dared not say aloud filling her entire being. Her eyes closed as the first line flowed from her lips.
“This time, this place, misused, mistakes. Too long, too late…who was I to make you wait? Just one chance, just one breath, just in case there’s just one left. ‘Cause you know, you know, you know…” She sang out in a strong and clear voice. Her thoughts went to the same place they always went to when she heard or sang this song. It went to a boy- a man- who haunted her dreams on more nights than she cared to admit to. She always felt that this song had been written just for them.
“I love you. I have loved you all along. And I miss you…been far away for far too long. I keep dreaming, you’ll be with me and you’ll never go. I’d stop breathing if I don’t see you anymore.” He was the boy she had loved since her first year of high school. The boy she had given up on and reinvested in over and over again. They had started out as best friends, confiding in each other right from the start. Their connection was based on an instinctive understanding of each other. They had never experienced that kind of bond with anyone else. With a connection so deep, it hadn’t taken long before their feelings for each other started to grow beyond the platonic. But it seemed that no matter what they tried, their timing was never right.
“On my knees, I’ll ask...last chance for one last dance. ‘Cause with you, I’d withstand all of hell to hold your hand. I’d give it all, I’d give for us…give anything but I won’t give up. ‘Cause you know, you know, you know…” They had always kept in touch with each other, even if it had grown more sporadic over the years due to life’s interference. But each time they picked up right where they left off, like nothing had changed. This time though, life had different plans it seemed. He had joined the army two years ago and it had been almost a year since she’d heard from him. She would never give up the hope that they would one day get their timing straight. One day, she hoped, one day.
“I love you. I have loved you all along. And I miss you…been far away for far too long. I keep dreaming, you’ll be with me and you’ll never go. I’d stop breathing if I don’t see you anymore.” She let herself get lost in the music and lyrics of the song. They consumed her and brought back memories she sometimes wished she could just forget. But tonight she let the feelings of love, loss, and loneliness flow around her like a warm wind. She felt a tingling sensation and she slowly opened her eyes. Her heart skipped a beat and she gasped loudly. She could swear that she was looking right at him. Had she felt those emotions so powerfully that she was now seeing him here? But no, there he was, in person, in flesh, standing on the opposite side of the room. It was him.
The song continued on and she vaguely realized that she was supposed to start singing again. It took her a few seconds to recover from the shock of seeing him. She locked eyes with him and started singing directly to him. This song was for him, after all.
“I wanted, I wanted you to stay. ‘Cause I needed, I need to hear you say…that I love you, I have loved you all along. And I forgive you for being away for far too long. So keep breathing, ‘cause I’m not leaving you anymore. Believe it, hold onto me and never let me go.” She sang the song with more feeling than she ever had before. His presence brought something indescribable out of her, something that made the song more powerful. There was the faintest ghost of a smile on his face as he watched her sing. Her voice cracked, but she kept going. Normally she would be mortified that her voice had faltered, but tonight she didn’t care. She felt dizzy from the conflicting emotions she was feeling. Her head spun with confusion, her heart pounded with anticipation, and her stomach flipped with happiness.
“Keep breathing, ‘cause I’m not leaving you anymore. Believe it, hold onto me and never let me go. Believe it, hold onto me never let me go…Hold onto me and never let me go…Hold onto me and never let me go…”
The song’s music came to a quiet end, but she didn’t move. She stood frozen there, staring at him, staring at her. The bar went completely silent as the rest of the room watched them, confused as to what was playing out before them. All she could hear was the buzz of the ceiling fan and the pounding of her own heart. Time stood still and everyone held their breath. Somehow they knew this was a moment that should not be disrupted.
The smile on his face told her he was impressed with her performance. His hand were tucked in his pockets which she knew meant he was feeling just as nervous as she was.
“What are you doing here?” She finally whispered the question that had been burning at her lips since she had seen him. Still clutching the mic right in front of her mouth her question was made loud enough for everyone to hear.
“Watching my best friend sing, what does it look like?” His hinted smile blossomed into a full blown smirk. His voice was just as she remembered it. It was rich and ran down her spine the way warm honey slid down the back of her throat.
She hadn’t realized that tears were welling up in her eyes until one slipped down her cheek. She tried to force a smile. The mic moved away from her chest and she tried to stop the tears. She set it down next to the DJ and looked back up at him.
“I see you actually listened to me for once,” she said. The catch in her breath and the quiver in her voice betrayed her.
He cocked his head ever so slightly to the side, his smirk fell into a small frown. A silent question on his face. She almost rolled her eyes. Of course he wouldn’t know what she was talking about.
“Well, I don’t see any holes in you and you’re obviously not dead if you’re standing here in front of me,” she said. She seemed to have regained some control of herself because a smirk of her own was forming on her face. “I guess I’ll have to hold off on kicking your ass for now. You know, since you came back from war in one piece.”
He let out a breath he’d been holding and laughed. His laugh was rich and deep. She had always loved his laugh. He looked her up and down, his eyes twinkling with happiness. “What does a soldier have to do to get a hug around here?”
That was all it took. She launched herself at him from across the room. She flung her arms around his neck with a force that lifted her off the ground and almost knocked him over. She held him as tightly as she could. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her as close to him as he could. His breathing was heavy and she knew he was trying to contain his own emotions.
“God, I’ve missed you!” She whispered into his ear so that only he could hear her. She squeezed her eyes closed to keep from crying hysterically.
“I’ve missed you too, baby.” His voice broke slightly and her heart nearly burst. She rarely saw this uncontrolled side of him.
They held each other for a solid minute before they finally pulled away. He set her down on the ground, but kept his arms draped loosely around her waist. Her hands were playing with his hair. They smiled giddily at each other. Time started up again and everyone in the bar was whispering furiously as they watched the scene unfold in front of them.
He brought hands up and gently cupped her face. Her heart started thudding against her ribs and she was certain the whole room could hear it. He tilted her face up ever so slowly. Her eyes slid closed as his lips fell onto hers. The regulars, her friends, burst into cheers, but she hardly heard them.
It was the most gentle and passionate kiss she had ever experienced in her life. She was sure her heart would explode from the sheer intensity of it. When he pulled away she nearly whimpered from the loss of contact. He rested his forehead against hers, a lazy smile lifted one corner of his mouth up. “I love you. I have loved you all along…” he sang softly.
“And I forgive you for being away for far too long.” Her voice was so low that she hoped he had actually heard her. “Are you home for good now?” It was a question she was scared to know the answer to, but she remained hopeful.
He frowned slightly. “No, baby, I have to go back in 30 days.”
Her face fell. “Oh, I see. I guess I was hoping- it’s silly really. Never mind.” She knew she was babbling, but it was the only way to keep herself from crying. She looked down at her feet as her ears and cheeks burned with embarrassment. The crowd seemed to have lost interest in their reunion. Talking had resumed and the next singer had taken the stage. She was glad that no one seemed to be paying her any attention.
He put his finger under her chin and forced her to look up at him. “I have to go back. But I don’t want to go back without finally making you mine.”
Her smile burst from her like the sun’s rays coming through a cloud. “We’ve finally found the right time?”
He chuckled lightly. “I think we have.” He pressed his lips against her forehead and she sighed contentedly. It was finally time.
It was a night like any other at her local karaoke bar. All of the regulars were there, talking and laughing together. It was the weekend and singing over a crackling speaker was their means of relaxing after a stressful week. There was a sense of calm in the slow pace of the bar. Nothing ever changed which brought a feeling of comfort to each of them.
She heard her name called over the low noise of the bar. She looked up at the DJ for confirmation that she had indeed heard her name. She smiled as she walked gracefully to the area at the front of the room that acted as the stage. She subconsciously pressed a hand to her abdomen in an attempt to calm the butterflies in her stomach. It didn’t seem to matter how many times she did this, she always got nervous before she performed.
She had been coming to this karaoke bar for over two years now. Like all of the regulars, she had a lineup of her “normal” songs. They were hers and no one else dared sing them without asking her permission first. It was an unspoken rule that they all followed. But this next song was not one that anyone had ever really shown an interest in singing.
It had been added to her repertoire of songs about three months prior. She had loved this song from the first time she heard it. She felt a deep connection to the song and it had taken a lot of nerve for her to finally try it. So when she finally did try it the nervous energy seemed to drive the feeling of the song. She had been told that despite it originally being sung by a male vocalist with a raspy voice, there was something about a female voice that made the song even more beautiful.
She picked up the mic and made sure to flip the switch so that it was turned on. She gently tapped the top of the mic out of mindless habit to make sure she could hear it over the crappy speakers of the bar. The music started up and the small crowd cheered. This was definitely one of her more popular songs. She took a deep breath and bowed her head, memories and emotions she dared not say aloud filling her entire being. Her eyes closed as the first line flowed from her lips.
“This time, this place, misused, mistakes. Too long, too late…who was I to make you wait? Just one chance, just one breath, just in case there’s just one left. ‘Cause you know, you know, you know…” She sang out in a strong and clear voice. Her thoughts went to the same place they always went to when she heard or sang this song. It went to a boy- a man- who haunted her dreams on more nights than she cared to admit to. She always felt that this song had been written just for them.
“I love you. I have loved you all along. And I miss you…been far away for far too long. I keep dreaming, you’ll be with me and you’ll never go. I’d stop breathing if I don’t see you anymore.” He was the boy she had loved since her first year of high school. The boy she had given up on and reinvested in over and over again. They had started out as best friends, confiding in each other right from the start. Their connection was based on an instinctive understanding of each other. They had never experienced that kind of bond with anyone else. With a connection so deep, it hadn’t taken long before their feelings for each other started to grow beyond the platonic. But it seemed that no matter what they tried, their timing was never right.
“On my knees, I’ll ask...last chance for one last dance. ‘Cause with you, I’d withstand all of hell to hold your hand. I’d give it all, I’d give for us…give anything but I won’t give up. ‘Cause you know, you know, you know…” They had always kept in touch with each other, even if it had grown more sporadic over the years due to life’s interference. But each time they picked up right where they left off, like nothing had changed. This time though, life had different plans it seemed. He had joined the army two years ago and it had been almost a year since she’d heard from him. She would never give up the hope that they would one day get their timing straight. One day, she hoped, one day.
“I love you. I have loved you all along. And I miss you…been far away for far too long. I keep dreaming, you’ll be with me and you’ll never go. I’d stop breathing if I don’t see you anymore.” She let herself get lost in the music and lyrics of the song. They consumed her and brought back memories she sometimes wished she could just forget. But tonight she let the feelings of love, loss, and loneliness flow around her like a warm wind. She felt a tingling sensation and she slowly opened her eyes. Her heart skipped a beat and she gasped loudly. She could swear that she was looking right at him. Had she felt those emotions so powerfully that she was now seeing him here? But no, there he was, in person, in flesh, standing on the opposite side of the room. It was him.
The song continued on and she vaguely realized that she was supposed to start singing again. It took her a few seconds to recover from the shock of seeing him. She locked eyes with him and started singing directly to him. This song was for him, after all.
“I wanted, I wanted you to stay. ‘Cause I needed, I need to hear you say…that I love you, I have loved you all along. And I forgive you for being away for far too long. So keep breathing, ‘cause I’m not leaving you anymore. Believe it, hold onto me and never let me go.” She sang the song with more feeling than she ever had before. His presence brought something indescribable out of her, something that made the song more powerful. There was the faintest ghost of a smile on his face as he watched her sing. Her voice cracked, but she kept going. Normally she would be mortified that her voice had faltered, but tonight she didn’t care. She felt dizzy from the conflicting emotions she was feeling. Her head spun with confusion, her heart pounded with anticipation, and her stomach flipped with happiness.
“Keep breathing, ‘cause I’m not leaving you anymore. Believe it, hold onto me and never let me go. Believe it, hold onto me never let me go…Hold onto me and never let me go…Hold onto me and never let me go…”
The song’s music came to a quiet end, but she didn’t move. She stood frozen there, staring at him, staring at her. The bar went completely silent as the rest of the room watched them, confused as to what was playing out before them. All she could hear was the buzz of the ceiling fan and the pounding of her own heart. Time stood still and everyone held their breath. Somehow they knew this was a moment that should not be disrupted.
The smile on his face told her he was impressed with her performance. His hand were tucked in his pockets which she knew meant he was feeling just as nervous as she was.
“What are you doing here?” She finally whispered the question that had been burning at her lips since she had seen him. Still clutching the mic right in front of her mouth her question was made loud enough for everyone to hear.
“Watching my best friend sing, what does it look like?” His hinted smile blossomed into a full blown smirk. His voice was just as she remembered it. It was rich and ran down her spine the way warm honey slid down the back of her throat.
She hadn’t realized that tears were welling up in her eyes until one slipped down her cheek. She tried to force a smile. The mic moved away from her chest and she tried to stop the tears. She set it down next to the DJ and looked back up at him.
“I see you actually listened to me for once,” she said. The catch in her breath and the quiver in her voice betrayed her.
He cocked his head ever so slightly to the side, his smirk fell into a small frown. A silent question on his face. She almost rolled her eyes. Of course he wouldn’t know what she was talking about.
“Well, I don’t see any holes in you and you’re obviously not dead if you’re standing here in front of me,” she said. She seemed to have regained some control of herself because a smirk of her own was forming on her face. “I guess I’ll have to hold off on kicking your ass for now. You know, since you came back from war in one piece.”
He let out a breath he’d been holding and laughed. His laugh was rich and deep. She had always loved his laugh. He looked her up and down, his eyes twinkling with happiness. “What does a soldier have to do to get a hug around here?”
That was all it took. She launched herself at him from across the room. She flung her arms around his neck with a force that lifted her off the ground and almost knocked him over. She held him as tightly as she could. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her as close to him as he could. His breathing was heavy and she knew he was trying to contain his own emotions.
“God, I’ve missed you!” She whispered into his ear so that only he could hear her. She squeezed her eyes closed to keep from crying hysterically.
“I’ve missed you too, baby.” His voice broke slightly and her heart nearly burst. She rarely saw this uncontrolled side of him.
They held each other for a solid minute before they finally pulled away. He set her down on the ground, but kept his arms draped loosely around her waist. Her hands were playing with his hair. They smiled giddily at each other. Time started up again and everyone in the bar was whispering furiously as they watched the scene unfold in front of them.
He brought hands up and gently cupped her face. Her heart started thudding against her ribs and she was certain the whole room could hear it. He tilted her face up ever so slowly. Her eyes slid closed as his lips fell onto hers. The regulars, her friends, burst into cheers, but she hardly heard them.
It was the most gentle and passionate kiss she had ever experienced in her life. She was sure her heart would explode from the sheer intensity of it. When he pulled away she nearly whimpered from the loss of contact. He rested his forehead against hers, a lazy smile lifted one corner of his mouth up. “I love you. I have loved you all along…” he sang softly.
“And I forgive you for being away for far too long.” Her voice was so low that she hoped he had actually heard her. “Are you home for good now?” It was a question she was scared to know the answer to, but she remained hopeful.
He frowned slightly. “No, baby, I have to go back in 30 days.”
Her face fell. “Oh, I see. I guess I was hoping- it’s silly really. Never mind.” She knew she was babbling, but it was the only way to keep herself from crying. She looked down at her feet as her ears and cheeks burned with embarrassment. The crowd seemed to have lost interest in their reunion. Talking had resumed and the next singer had taken the stage. She was glad that no one seemed to be paying her any attention.
He put his finger under her chin and forced her to look up at him. “I have to go back. But I don’t want to go back without finally making you mine.”
Her smile burst from her like the sun’s rays coming through a cloud. “We’ve finally found the right time?”
He chuckled lightly. “I think we have.” He pressed his lips against her forehead and she sighed contentedly. It was finally time.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
no words
So, I'm sitting at my desk, having just finished my word count for the day (2183 for November 9) and I'm clicking around the internet, pretty much wasting time.
I am kind of hungry but am being too lazy to go downstairs in search of food. A part of me wants a cigarette, but it's cold outside and the alarm is probably already set. I can do without the cigarette right now. I will probably end up downstairs for food before too much longer.
I've got the TV on and I'm contemplating getting a head start on November 10's word count seeing as a second wind is headed my way.
Then I see Blogger under my favorites and I think: I want to update my blog.
Then I realize: I have no words.
I don't know what I want to write about! I'm not talking about my novel. I know where that's going, I think. I want to talk about my life, but I don't know what to say!
It's been a crazy, hectic week and I feel like I have been chaotically busy. Today is my first day off in a week and I couldn't be happier for it. I want to spend the rest of the day locked up in my room, writing and watching tv, and maybe even reading (gasp!). I am looking forward to a quiet, drama free day.
First on Sunday & Monday we had a special coupon available to our customers that kept work incredibly busy. Then we had some people from another store come in to help us get decorated for Christmas. Yup, that's right, Halloween is over so that means Christmas is in full swing in the retail world. As much hard work as it was, the store looks fantastic.
Luckily for us it has slowed down just a touch and it probably will stay that way for the next week or two. It will be a nice break.
Well, now that I'm finishing up this random, stream-of-consciousness style blog post, I think maybe I will just go to bed. It is late. And I am tired.
lindsayallison
I am kind of hungry but am being too lazy to go downstairs in search of food. A part of me wants a cigarette, but it's cold outside and the alarm is probably already set. I can do without the cigarette right now. I will probably end up downstairs for food before too much longer.
I've got the TV on and I'm contemplating getting a head start on November 10's word count seeing as a second wind is headed my way.
Then I see Blogger under my favorites and I think: I want to update my blog.
Then I realize: I have no words.
I don't know what I want to write about! I'm not talking about my novel. I know where that's going, I think. I want to talk about my life, but I don't know what to say!
It's been a crazy, hectic week and I feel like I have been chaotically busy. Today is my first day off in a week and I couldn't be happier for it. I want to spend the rest of the day locked up in my room, writing and watching tv, and maybe even reading (gasp!). I am looking forward to a quiet, drama free day.
First on Sunday & Monday we had a special coupon available to our customers that kept work incredibly busy. Then we had some people from another store come in to help us get decorated for Christmas. Yup, that's right, Halloween is over so that means Christmas is in full swing in the retail world. As much hard work as it was, the store looks fantastic.
Luckily for us it has slowed down just a touch and it probably will stay that way for the next week or two. It will be a nice break.
Well, now that I'm finishing up this random, stream-of-consciousness style blog post, I think maybe I will just go to bed. It is late. And I am tired.
lindsayallison
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Fly
**Please note: I did NOT come up with most of these lines. I took lines from songs on my current mixed CD and smushed them together in a weird poem/song/hybrid thingy. Some words were changed, some were taken away and some were added. Credits at the end.**
Fly
Get ready for it, I came to win.
I came to fly, fly away…
It’s been a long time since I came around,
But this time I’m not leaving without you.
I shouldn’t miss you, but I’d rather die –
You’re the only one who really knew me at all.
So I become alive in a time of pain and fear.
Spent my whole life looking for that somebody
Who knew where I kept my better side.
Yeah, you’ve got a piece of me.
And try as I may, I could never explain –
How we’re forever united here somehow.
And how wonderful life is, now you’re in the world.
So lying underneath those stormy skies,
You pulled on me like the moon pulls on the tide.
You said, “Sit back down where you belong.
“Lights will guide you home and I will try to fix you.”
Away I flew and dreamed of paradise.
Trying to forgive you for abandoning me.
The tears come streaming down my face.
I cried my eyes out for days upon days.
Drowning in a river of my own tears,
Every tear became a waterfall –
A broken promise and a broken heart.
Life goes on, could it be worse?
I hear the criticism loud and clear:
I am lost, I am vain.
I pray but I’m still an angel away.
It gets so heavy, this burden placed upon me.
And there’s nothing left here to remind me.
I can’t erase, so I’ll take the blame.
For what’s being said between your heart and mine.
Come the night, you’re only what I want.
Come the day you could be my confidant –
But I follow the night.
There’s a chance I could take:
I could follow the day.
When will I begin to live again?
I will never be the same…
I close my eyes and run away in my sleep.
I wished for so much, but if flew from my reach.
In the night, the stormy night
The Wheel breaks the butterfly.
Every time I close my eyes.
I’ll try my best, but even if I don’t succeed
I’ll know just what I’m worth.
But if I never try then I’ll never know.
I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise
And this could be paradise.
I can’t quit now, this can’t be right!
In the night, the stormy night
I know the sun must set to rise.
The troubles start coming and I start rising
And this is how I know that the time is near.
I am not one who can easily hide
For I represent an entire generation.
The time is now.
Take a look at me now,
For one day I’ll fly away.
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes.
I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive.
And I will win, thrive, soar higher and higher.
‘Cause I am not a word and I am not a line.
I am not a girl that could ever be defined.
Credits:
Fly by Nicki Minaj & Rihanna
Paradise & Fix You by Coldplay
One Day I'll Fly Away & Your Song from "Moulin Rouge"
You and I by Lady Gaga
When You Say Nothing At All, Baby Now That I've Found You, & Dimming of the Day by Alison Krauss
Without You by David Guetta & Usher
Against All Odds by Phil Collins
My Life Would Suck Without You by Kelly Clarkson
Fly
Get ready for it, I came to win.
I came to fly, fly away…
It’s been a long time since I came around,
But this time I’m not leaving without you.
I shouldn’t miss you, but I’d rather die –
You’re the only one who really knew me at all.
So I become alive in a time of pain and fear.
Spent my whole life looking for that somebody
Who knew where I kept my better side.
Yeah, you’ve got a piece of me.
And try as I may, I could never explain –
How we’re forever united here somehow.
And how wonderful life is, now you’re in the world.
So lying underneath those stormy skies,
You pulled on me like the moon pulls on the tide.
You said, “Sit back down where you belong.
“Lights will guide you home and I will try to fix you.”
Away I flew and dreamed of paradise.
Trying to forgive you for abandoning me.
The tears come streaming down my face.
I cried my eyes out for days upon days.
Drowning in a river of my own tears,
Every tear became a waterfall –
A broken promise and a broken heart.
Life goes on, could it be worse?
I hear the criticism loud and clear:
I am lost, I am vain.
I pray but I’m still an angel away.
It gets so heavy, this burden placed upon me.
And there’s nothing left here to remind me.
I can’t erase, so I’ll take the blame.
For what’s being said between your heart and mine.
Come the night, you’re only what I want.
Come the day you could be my confidant –
But I follow the night.
There’s a chance I could take:
I could follow the day.
When will I begin to live again?
I will never be the same…
I close my eyes and run away in my sleep.
I wished for so much, but if flew from my reach.
In the night, the stormy night
The Wheel breaks the butterfly.
Every time I close my eyes.
I’ll try my best, but even if I don’t succeed
I’ll know just what I’m worth.
But if I never try then I’ll never know.
I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise
And this could be paradise.
I can’t quit now, this can’t be right!
In the night, the stormy night
I know the sun must set to rise.
The troubles start coming and I start rising
And this is how I know that the time is near.
I am not one who can easily hide
For I represent an entire generation.
The time is now.
Take a look at me now,
For one day I’ll fly away.
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes.
I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive.
And I will win, thrive, soar higher and higher.
‘Cause I am not a word and I am not a line.
I am not a girl that could ever be defined.
Credits:
Fly by Nicki Minaj & Rihanna
Paradise & Fix You by Coldplay
One Day I'll Fly Away & Your Song from "Moulin Rouge"
You and I by Lady Gaga
When You Say Nothing At All, Baby Now That I've Found You, & Dimming of the Day by Alison Krauss
Without You by David Guetta & Usher
Against All Odds by Phil Collins
My Life Would Suck Without You by Kelly Clarkson
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
A Christmas to Remember: Prologue
Prologue
December 25, 2010
It was dark, cold and slick on the roads that night. There had been a mist like rain all day that seemed to keep everything damp and cold. Even though the snow had not yet started, the weather man from Richmond had been predicting all week that Virginia would indeed see a white Christmas. But that fancy Richmond man was being met with skepticism seeing as Christmas was almost over and not a speck of the white stuff had been seen all day.
For most in the Kings Mountain area, snow was not a highly anticipated event. Snow often meant being cut off entirely from the outside world, so it was a relief to the residents of Kings Mountain, Virginia, that snow had not shown up at all that day.
None of this mattered at all to Michelle King as she gripped the steering wheel tight with her left hand. Snow, or the lack of it, wasn’t even on her mind as she reached around the passenger seat for her purse. Once her hand brushed against the leather bag, she smiled and started reaching around in her purse in an attempt to find her pack of cigarettes. She frowned as her hand seemed to grasp everything but her cigarettes.
Michelle let out a frustrated sigh as she grabbed her purse and threw it in her lap. The car swerved slightly on the dark road as her attention was diverted to the bag. She lowered her eyes for a brief moment and she saw her pack of cigarettes lying on the bottom of her purse. Michelle smiled in satisfaction.
“’Bout damn time!” She said to no one. The car swerved again. She reached in her purse just as the blare from another car came screeching by her window. Michelle immediately put both hands on the steering wheel as she attempted to straighten out her car. Her eyes went wide and she gave a nervous giggle. Her grip tightened on the wheel for just a moment as she tried to breathe through the pounding of her heart.
She blinked her eyes rapidly and shook her head slightly trying to clear the buzz that surrounded her brain.
“I should not have had that last martini.” She once again said to no one. She gave a nervous little giggle at her statement. She shook her head again, and noticed that there were little white flakes dusting her windshield. Her face broke out into a huge smile. Michelle had always loved snow.
Remembering that she had originally wanted a cigarette, she looked down into her purse again. Seeing the pack, she reached her left hand in and grabbed it, flipped the lid open with her thumb and slid one out with her teeth. Throwing her cigarettes down in her purse and flinging her purse back into the passenger seat, Michelle stretched her hips out and started using her left hand to dig around in the pocket of her jeans to find her lighter.
The car started swerving again as she struggled to maintain control of the car while she dug through her pocket. Finally wrapping her fingers around the lighter, Michelle yanked it out of her pocket and brought it up in front of her face. She focused her eyes on the road, making sure that no one was directly in front of her before she turned her focus to the lighter that was in front of her face. She flicked the button and watched as the flame burst to life. She used her lips to push the cigarette towards the flame, inhaling deeply once the cigarette was directly over the flame.
Once she was satisfied that the cigarette was sufficiently lit, she let go of the button and the flame died out. She tossed the lighter into her purse and pushed down on the button that let the windows down. She reached up for the cigarette with her left hand; resting the cigarette between her fingers she blew the smoke out of the window. She shuddered slightly at the chill that took over the car through the open window.
Michelle took another drag of her cigarette, blowing smoke out of the window yet again. Feeling the chill, she started looking around her car for her jacket. She turned to check the passenger seat and then she craned her head, looking in the back seat via the rearview mirror. The car swerved again.
Michelle put both hands on the steering wheel, straightening the car out again. She rolled her eyes at her inability to do multiple things. She was normally much better at multitasking.
“Must be the alcohol.”
The silent response was deafening. “And there I go talking to myself again.” Michelle rolled her eyes. “I’m such a fuckin’ nut job.”
She took another drag from her cigarette and relished in the warmth the smoke gave her as it invaded her lungs. She blew the smoke out, enjoying the taste in her mouth. She smiled and her eyes drifted closed, the rush of nicotine mixed with the buzz of the alcohol she had been drinking all afternoon and all night gave her head a pleasantly fuzzy feeling. She sighed as her head nodded forward, her senses starting to fade out.
The car swerved again. The blaring horn from the oncoming driver wrenched Michelle from her dozing and her eyes went wide with terror. She flung both of her arms out to grasp the steering wheel, dropping the cigarette on the floor of the car as she did so. The lights were bright, blinding her as she attempted to correct her car. Her only instincts were to jerk the car away from the oncoming lights as hard and as quickly as she could.
Michelle turned the wheel all the way to the right, jerking the car across the road. The speed of the car and the sudden jerk caused her car to lose its balance. Michelle screamed at the top of her lungs as her car flipped over the guardrail that edged the road. Her car was plunged into darkness as it rolled down the hill, throwing Michelle around like a rag doll in a washing machine.
The world was spinning in front of her eyes as leaves, rocks, and trees rushed passed her in a kaleidoscope of terror.
Dear God, help me. Was the last thing Michelle thought before the entire world went black.
Jason Parker was sitting in his living room, drinking a cold beer and watching some crappy Christmas movie when the phone rang. He frowned and looked at the clock. It was 11:00 p.m.
“Who the hell is calling this late at night?” Jason asked aloud, not caring that his company was in the other room and couldn’t answer him.
He reached for the phone and picked up. “Hello?” He asked lazily. He took a quiet sip of his beer.
“Parker, you’d better get your ass up of your couch and down to the station.” The gruff voice on the other end of the line said bluntly.
“Fuller?” Jason asked. “What the hell is going on?”
“There’s been an accident. You need to come quick.” Robert Fuller said. There was a tension in his voice that Jason had never heard before.
“Fuller.” Jason said, sitting up straight. He placed his beer on the coffee table, his whole body was on full alert. “There is something you’re not telling me. What the hell is going on?”
There was a moment of silence. “There’s been a car accident down the mountain a ways.” Fuller said, his voice was quiet. Quieter than Jason had ever heard it. “Car flipped over the rail and rolled down the hillside.”
Jason’s jaw clenched. “Tell me who.”
There was another moment of silence. “Jason, it looks like Michelle’s car.”
“Damn it!” Jason yelled out as he flung himself back into the couch. “When? Where is she? How is she? Damn it, tell me, Fuller!”
“Jason, I don’t have any other information! I just got the call myself. They think it’s Michelle’s car.” Fuller said. “Just come down to the site. You need to be here.”
“I’ll be there soon.” Jason said as he hung up the phone. He rested his elbows on his knees, cradling his head in his hands for a brief moment. “Damn it.” He muttered under his breath.
Jason stood up and reached for his boots. “That woman really knows how to be the center of attention, no matter what the situation is.” Jason said to himself. He was going have some severe words for her when he saw her again. “I’ll be she got into a little fender bender after too many martinis.”
“Ma!” He called out to his mother in the next room. “I just got a call, I gotta head out for a bit. I’ll be late, so don’t wait up for me.”
Jason rolled his eyes. So much for my quiet night.
Robert Fuller stood at the top of the hill, bathed in the flashing blue lights of his squad car. His face was set in a deep frown as he looked at the scene that lay before him at the bottom of the hill. The car was easily recognizable. Not many people in this area drove a BMW, especially not one with a custom paint job in cherry red.
Flashing yellow lights caught Fuller’s attention and he saw the wrecker heading towards him. He nodded towards the driver as he got out of the truck.
“What’s goin’ on, deputy?” The driver asked as he gave a suppressed cough. He breathed in hard. It was obvious his nose was stopped up. He struggled to quiet his breathing.
“Bad accident, looks like it’s Michelle King’s car down there. It’s pretty recognizable.” Fuller said, a slight hint of sadness in his voice.
The driver gasped audibly. “Nah, shit. Ya serious?” He asked. The disbelief was evident in his voice and on his face.
Fuller nodded and didn’t say another word. He looked around sadly as the flashing red lights of a fire truck and an ambulance came to a rapid stop right next to his cruiser. A couple of paramedics jumped out of the ambulance as a fireman stepped down from his truck. They crowded around the mangled guardrail as the paramedics slowly made their way down to the overturned car.
Fuller held his breath as he watched them. He prayed for the first time in forty five years for a miracle. He prayed that what he knew was down there was really what was down there. He squeezed his eyes shut, preparing himself mentally as best he could for what he knew was about to happen.
The sirens of the emergency vehicles faded from his head as focused on his prayer. He opened his eyes and looked down at the paramedics who had made it to the edge of the car. One of them looked up at him with sad eyes and shook his head slowly.
“Fuck.” Fuller hissed. This was bad. This was very, very bad.
He heard a car drive up behind him and come to a stop. Fuller took a deep breath and tried to calm the nerves that had suddenly jumped started his heart. Fuller turned around to look at Jason Parker as he got out of his car, slamming the door.
“What the hell did she do now?” Jason asked, obviously annoyed. Fuller felt a tightness in his chest. Parker was going to regret those words.
“Jason.” Fuller said quietly. Jason sensed the tension and heard the edge his voice. It stopped him dead in his tracks.
“Fuller?” He questioned softly. “Where is she? Where is Michelle?”
Fuller didn’t have to turn around to see that the paramedics were bringing Michelle back up the hill. He watched Jason’s eyes go wide with fear and then shock as she watched the covered stretcher move towards the ambulance. He noticed the change in Jason’s demeanor almost immediately.
Fuller saw the subtle body movements in Jason and he stepped in front of the younger man as he lunged towards the paramedics.
“Jason!” Fuller said harshly. “Stop it! Stop!”
“Where is she?” He cried out. “Where the hell is she?”
Fuller was a tough man who had seen more than his share of pain and sadness in the world. He had somewhat grown accustom to that aspect of life, but watching Jason Parker lose it this way was something he never thought he would have to see. Jason pushed against him, trying to get past him. Desperation and fear were radiating off of him so strongly Fuller could practically feel it enveloping him as well.
“Jason, there’s no use.” Fuller said softly. He tried to speak quietly and softly in an attempt comfort the man who was now weeping right in front of him.
Jason shook his head as his body started trembling. “No.” He whispered, his voice cracking. “No.” The pain in his voice was tangible.
“Jason, there’s no use. I’m so sorry.” Fuller repeated himself. “Michelle King is dead.”
December 25, 2010
It was dark, cold and slick on the roads that night. There had been a mist like rain all day that seemed to keep everything damp and cold. Even though the snow had not yet started, the weather man from Richmond had been predicting all week that Virginia would indeed see a white Christmas. But that fancy Richmond man was being met with skepticism seeing as Christmas was almost over and not a speck of the white stuff had been seen all day.
For most in the Kings Mountain area, snow was not a highly anticipated event. Snow often meant being cut off entirely from the outside world, so it was a relief to the residents of Kings Mountain, Virginia, that snow had not shown up at all that day.
None of this mattered at all to Michelle King as she gripped the steering wheel tight with her left hand. Snow, or the lack of it, wasn’t even on her mind as she reached around the passenger seat for her purse. Once her hand brushed against the leather bag, she smiled and started reaching around in her purse in an attempt to find her pack of cigarettes. She frowned as her hand seemed to grasp everything but her cigarettes.
Michelle let out a frustrated sigh as she grabbed her purse and threw it in her lap. The car swerved slightly on the dark road as her attention was diverted to the bag. She lowered her eyes for a brief moment and she saw her pack of cigarettes lying on the bottom of her purse. Michelle smiled in satisfaction.
“’Bout damn time!” She said to no one. The car swerved again. She reached in her purse just as the blare from another car came screeching by her window. Michelle immediately put both hands on the steering wheel as she attempted to straighten out her car. Her eyes went wide and she gave a nervous giggle. Her grip tightened on the wheel for just a moment as she tried to breathe through the pounding of her heart.
She blinked her eyes rapidly and shook her head slightly trying to clear the buzz that surrounded her brain.
“I should not have had that last martini.” She once again said to no one. She gave a nervous little giggle at her statement. She shook her head again, and noticed that there were little white flakes dusting her windshield. Her face broke out into a huge smile. Michelle had always loved snow.
Remembering that she had originally wanted a cigarette, she looked down into her purse again. Seeing the pack, she reached her left hand in and grabbed it, flipped the lid open with her thumb and slid one out with her teeth. Throwing her cigarettes down in her purse and flinging her purse back into the passenger seat, Michelle stretched her hips out and started using her left hand to dig around in the pocket of her jeans to find her lighter.
The car started swerving again as she struggled to maintain control of the car while she dug through her pocket. Finally wrapping her fingers around the lighter, Michelle yanked it out of her pocket and brought it up in front of her face. She focused her eyes on the road, making sure that no one was directly in front of her before she turned her focus to the lighter that was in front of her face. She flicked the button and watched as the flame burst to life. She used her lips to push the cigarette towards the flame, inhaling deeply once the cigarette was directly over the flame.
Once she was satisfied that the cigarette was sufficiently lit, she let go of the button and the flame died out. She tossed the lighter into her purse and pushed down on the button that let the windows down. She reached up for the cigarette with her left hand; resting the cigarette between her fingers she blew the smoke out of the window. She shuddered slightly at the chill that took over the car through the open window.
Michelle took another drag of her cigarette, blowing smoke out of the window yet again. Feeling the chill, she started looking around her car for her jacket. She turned to check the passenger seat and then she craned her head, looking in the back seat via the rearview mirror. The car swerved again.
Michelle put both hands on the steering wheel, straightening the car out again. She rolled her eyes at her inability to do multiple things. She was normally much better at multitasking.
“Must be the alcohol.”
The silent response was deafening. “And there I go talking to myself again.” Michelle rolled her eyes. “I’m such a fuckin’ nut job.”
She took another drag from her cigarette and relished in the warmth the smoke gave her as it invaded her lungs. She blew the smoke out, enjoying the taste in her mouth. She smiled and her eyes drifted closed, the rush of nicotine mixed with the buzz of the alcohol she had been drinking all afternoon and all night gave her head a pleasantly fuzzy feeling. She sighed as her head nodded forward, her senses starting to fade out.
The car swerved again. The blaring horn from the oncoming driver wrenched Michelle from her dozing and her eyes went wide with terror. She flung both of her arms out to grasp the steering wheel, dropping the cigarette on the floor of the car as she did so. The lights were bright, blinding her as she attempted to correct her car. Her only instincts were to jerk the car away from the oncoming lights as hard and as quickly as she could.
Michelle turned the wheel all the way to the right, jerking the car across the road. The speed of the car and the sudden jerk caused her car to lose its balance. Michelle screamed at the top of her lungs as her car flipped over the guardrail that edged the road. Her car was plunged into darkness as it rolled down the hill, throwing Michelle around like a rag doll in a washing machine.
The world was spinning in front of her eyes as leaves, rocks, and trees rushed passed her in a kaleidoscope of terror.
Dear God, help me. Was the last thing Michelle thought before the entire world went black.
Jason Parker was sitting in his living room, drinking a cold beer and watching some crappy Christmas movie when the phone rang. He frowned and looked at the clock. It was 11:00 p.m.
“Who the hell is calling this late at night?” Jason asked aloud, not caring that his company was in the other room and couldn’t answer him.
He reached for the phone and picked up. “Hello?” He asked lazily. He took a quiet sip of his beer.
“Parker, you’d better get your ass up of your couch and down to the station.” The gruff voice on the other end of the line said bluntly.
“Fuller?” Jason asked. “What the hell is going on?”
“There’s been an accident. You need to come quick.” Robert Fuller said. There was a tension in his voice that Jason had never heard before.
“Fuller.” Jason said, sitting up straight. He placed his beer on the coffee table, his whole body was on full alert. “There is something you’re not telling me. What the hell is going on?”
There was a moment of silence. “There’s been a car accident down the mountain a ways.” Fuller said, his voice was quiet. Quieter than Jason had ever heard it. “Car flipped over the rail and rolled down the hillside.”
Jason’s jaw clenched. “Tell me who.”
There was another moment of silence. “Jason, it looks like Michelle’s car.”
“Damn it!” Jason yelled out as he flung himself back into the couch. “When? Where is she? How is she? Damn it, tell me, Fuller!”
“Jason, I don’t have any other information! I just got the call myself. They think it’s Michelle’s car.” Fuller said. “Just come down to the site. You need to be here.”
“I’ll be there soon.” Jason said as he hung up the phone. He rested his elbows on his knees, cradling his head in his hands for a brief moment. “Damn it.” He muttered under his breath.
Jason stood up and reached for his boots. “That woman really knows how to be the center of attention, no matter what the situation is.” Jason said to himself. He was going have some severe words for her when he saw her again. “I’ll be she got into a little fender bender after too many martinis.”
“Ma!” He called out to his mother in the next room. “I just got a call, I gotta head out for a bit. I’ll be late, so don’t wait up for me.”
Jason rolled his eyes. So much for my quiet night.
Robert Fuller stood at the top of the hill, bathed in the flashing blue lights of his squad car. His face was set in a deep frown as he looked at the scene that lay before him at the bottom of the hill. The car was easily recognizable. Not many people in this area drove a BMW, especially not one with a custom paint job in cherry red.
Flashing yellow lights caught Fuller’s attention and he saw the wrecker heading towards him. He nodded towards the driver as he got out of the truck.
“What’s goin’ on, deputy?” The driver asked as he gave a suppressed cough. He breathed in hard. It was obvious his nose was stopped up. He struggled to quiet his breathing.
“Bad accident, looks like it’s Michelle King’s car down there. It’s pretty recognizable.” Fuller said, a slight hint of sadness in his voice.
The driver gasped audibly. “Nah, shit. Ya serious?” He asked. The disbelief was evident in his voice and on his face.
Fuller nodded and didn’t say another word. He looked around sadly as the flashing red lights of a fire truck and an ambulance came to a rapid stop right next to his cruiser. A couple of paramedics jumped out of the ambulance as a fireman stepped down from his truck. They crowded around the mangled guardrail as the paramedics slowly made their way down to the overturned car.
Fuller held his breath as he watched them. He prayed for the first time in forty five years for a miracle. He prayed that what he knew was down there was really what was down there. He squeezed his eyes shut, preparing himself mentally as best he could for what he knew was about to happen.
The sirens of the emergency vehicles faded from his head as focused on his prayer. He opened his eyes and looked down at the paramedics who had made it to the edge of the car. One of them looked up at him with sad eyes and shook his head slowly.
“Fuck.” Fuller hissed. This was bad. This was very, very bad.
He heard a car drive up behind him and come to a stop. Fuller took a deep breath and tried to calm the nerves that had suddenly jumped started his heart. Fuller turned around to look at Jason Parker as he got out of his car, slamming the door.
“What the hell did she do now?” Jason asked, obviously annoyed. Fuller felt a tightness in his chest. Parker was going to regret those words.
“Jason.” Fuller said quietly. Jason sensed the tension and heard the edge his voice. It stopped him dead in his tracks.
“Fuller?” He questioned softly. “Where is she? Where is Michelle?”
Fuller didn’t have to turn around to see that the paramedics were bringing Michelle back up the hill. He watched Jason’s eyes go wide with fear and then shock as she watched the covered stretcher move towards the ambulance. He noticed the change in Jason’s demeanor almost immediately.
Fuller saw the subtle body movements in Jason and he stepped in front of the younger man as he lunged towards the paramedics.
“Jason!” Fuller said harshly. “Stop it! Stop!”
“Where is she?” He cried out. “Where the hell is she?”
Fuller was a tough man who had seen more than his share of pain and sadness in the world. He had somewhat grown accustom to that aspect of life, but watching Jason Parker lose it this way was something he never thought he would have to see. Jason pushed against him, trying to get past him. Desperation and fear were radiating off of him so strongly Fuller could practically feel it enveloping him as well.
“Jason, there’s no use.” Fuller said softly. He tried to speak quietly and softly in an attempt comfort the man who was now weeping right in front of him.
Jason shook his head as his body started trembling. “No.” He whispered, his voice cracking. “No.” The pain in his voice was tangible.
“Jason, there’s no use. I’m so sorry.” Fuller repeated himself. “Michelle King is dead.”
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