Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Far Away

The room was rather small for a bar, but it had all the characteristics. The lighting was dim and the air full of the smoke from cigarettes. The room was half full, but the soft murmur of talking made it seem as if only a few people were there.

It was a night like any other at her local karaoke bar. All of the regulars were there, talking and laughing together. It was the weekend and singing over a crackling speaker was their means of relaxing after a stressful week. There was a sense of calm in the slow pace of the bar. Nothing ever changed which brought a feeling of comfort to each of them.

She heard her name called over the low noise of the bar. She looked up at the DJ for confirmation that she had indeed heard her name. She smiled as she walked gracefully to the area at the front of the room that acted as the stage. She subconsciously pressed a hand to her abdomen in an attempt to calm the butterflies in her stomach. It didn’t seem to matter how many times she did this, she always got nervous before she performed.

She had been coming to this karaoke bar for over two years now. Like all of the regulars, she had a lineup of her “normal” songs. They were hers and no one else dared sing them without asking her permission first. It was an unspoken rule that they all followed. But this next song was not one that anyone had ever really shown an interest in singing.

It had been added to her repertoire of songs about three months prior. She had loved this song from the first time she heard it. She felt a deep connection to the song and it had taken a lot of nerve for her to finally try it. So when she finally did try it the nervous energy seemed to drive the feeling of the song. She had been told that despite it originally being sung by a male vocalist with a raspy voice, there was something about a female voice that made the song even more beautiful.

She picked up the mic and made sure to flip the switch so that it was turned on. She gently tapped the top of the mic out of mindless habit to make sure she could hear it over the crappy speakers of the bar. The music started up and the small crowd cheered. This was definitely one of her more popular songs. She took a deep breath and bowed her head, memories and emotions she dared not say aloud filling her entire being. Her eyes closed as the first line flowed from her lips.

“This time, this place, misused, mistakes. Too long, too late…who was I to make you wait? Just one chance, just one breath, just in case there’s just one left. ‘Cause you know, you know, you know…” She sang out in a strong and clear voice. Her thoughts went to the same place they always went to when she heard or sang this song. It went to a boy- a man- who haunted her dreams on more nights than she cared to admit to. She always felt that this song had been written just for them.

“I love you. I have loved you all along. And I miss you…been far away for far too long. I keep dreaming, you’ll be with me and you’ll never go. I’d stop breathing if I don’t see you anymore.” He was the boy she had loved since her first year of high school. The boy she had given up on and reinvested in over and over again. They had started out as best friends, confiding in each other right from the start. Their connection was based on an instinctive understanding of each other. They had never experienced that kind of bond with anyone else. With a connection so deep, it hadn’t taken long before their feelings for each other started to grow beyond the platonic. But it seemed that no matter what they tried, their timing was never right.

“On my knees, I’ll ask...last chance for one last dance. ‘Cause with you, I’d withstand all of hell to hold your hand. I’d give it all, I’d give for us…give anything but I won’t give up. ‘Cause you know, you know, you know…” They had always kept in touch with each other, even if it had grown more sporadic over the years due to life’s interference. But each time they picked up right where they left off, like nothing had changed. This time though, life had different plans it seemed. He had joined the army two years ago and it had been almost a year since she’d heard from him. She would never give up the hope that they would one day get their timing straight. One day, she hoped, one day.

“I love you. I have loved you all along. And I miss you…been far away for far too long. I keep dreaming, you’ll be with me and you’ll never go. I’d stop breathing if I don’t see you anymore.” She let herself get lost in the music and lyrics of the song. They consumed her and brought back memories she sometimes wished she could just forget. But tonight she let the feelings of love, loss, and loneliness flow around her like a warm wind. She felt a tingling sensation and she slowly opened her eyes. Her heart skipped a beat and she gasped loudly. She could swear that she was looking right at him. Had she felt those emotions so powerfully that she was now seeing him here? But no, there he was, in person, in flesh, standing on the opposite side of the room. It was him.

The song continued on and she vaguely realized that she was supposed to start singing again. It took her a few seconds to recover from the shock of seeing him. She locked eyes with him and started singing directly to him. This song was for him, after all.

“I wanted, I wanted you to stay. ‘Cause I needed, I need to hear you say…that I love you, I have loved you all along. And I forgive you for being away for far too long. So keep breathing, ‘cause I’m not leaving you anymore. Believe it, hold onto me and never let me go.” She sang the song with more feeling than she ever had before. His presence brought something indescribable out of her, something that made the song more powerful. There was the faintest ghost of a smile on his face as he watched her sing. Her voice cracked, but she kept going. Normally she would be mortified that her voice had faltered, but tonight she didn’t care. She felt dizzy from the conflicting emotions she was feeling. Her head spun with confusion, her heart pounded with anticipation, and her stomach flipped with happiness.

“Keep breathing, ‘cause I’m not leaving you anymore. Believe it, hold onto me and never let me go. Believe it, hold onto me never let me go…Hold onto me and never let me go…Hold onto me and never let me go…”

The song’s music came to a quiet end, but she didn’t move. She stood frozen there, staring at him, staring at her. The bar went completely silent as the rest of the room watched them, confused as to what was playing out before them. All she could hear was the buzz of the ceiling fan and the pounding of her own heart. Time stood still and everyone held their breath. Somehow they knew this was a moment that should not be disrupted.

The smile on his face told her he was impressed with her performance. His hand were tucked in his pockets which she knew meant he was feeling just as nervous as she was.

“What are you doing here?” She finally whispered the question that had been burning at her lips since she had seen him. Still clutching the mic right in front of her mouth her question was made loud enough for everyone to hear.

“Watching my best friend sing, what does it look like?” His hinted smile blossomed into a full blown smirk. His voice was just as she remembered it. It was rich and ran down her spine the way warm honey slid down the back of her throat.

She hadn’t realized that tears were welling up in her eyes until one slipped down her cheek. She tried to force a smile. The mic moved away from her chest and she tried to stop the tears. She set it down next to the DJ and looked back up at him.

“I see you actually listened to me for once,” she said. The catch in her breath and the quiver in her voice betrayed her.

He cocked his head ever so slightly to the side, his smirk fell into a small frown. A silent question on his face. She almost rolled her eyes. Of course he wouldn’t know what she was talking about.

“Well, I don’t see any holes in you and you’re obviously not dead if you’re standing here in front of me,” she said. She seemed to have regained some control of herself because a smirk of her own was forming on her face. “I guess I’ll have to hold off on kicking your ass for now. You know, since you came back from war in one piece.”

He let out a breath he’d been holding and laughed. His laugh was rich and deep. She had always loved his laugh. He looked her up and down, his eyes twinkling with happiness. “What does a soldier have to do to get a hug around here?”

That was all it took. She launched herself at him from across the room. She flung her arms around his neck with a force that lifted her off the ground and almost knocked him over. She held him as tightly as she could. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her as close to him as he could. His breathing was heavy and she knew he was trying to contain his own emotions.

“God, I’ve missed you!” She whispered into his ear so that only he could hear her. She squeezed her eyes closed to keep from crying hysterically.

“I’ve missed you too, baby.” His voice broke slightly and her heart nearly burst. She rarely saw this uncontrolled side of him.

They held each other for a solid minute before they finally pulled away. He set her down on the ground, but kept his arms draped loosely around her waist. Her hands were playing with his hair. They smiled giddily at each other. Time started up again and everyone in the bar was whispering furiously as they watched the scene unfold in front of them.

He brought hands up and gently cupped her face. Her heart started thudding against her ribs and she was certain the whole room could hear it. He tilted her face up ever so slowly. Her eyes slid closed as his lips fell onto hers. The regulars, her friends, burst into cheers, but she hardly heard them.

It was the most gentle and passionate kiss she had ever experienced in her life. She was sure her heart would explode from the sheer intensity of it. When he pulled away she nearly whimpered from the loss of contact. He rested his forehead against hers, a lazy smile lifted one corner of his mouth up. “I love you. I have loved you all along…” he sang softly.

“And I forgive you for being away for far too long.” Her voice was so low that she hoped he had actually heard her. “Are you home for good now?” It was a question she was scared to know the answer to, but she remained hopeful.

He frowned slightly. “No, baby, I have to go back in 30 days.”

Her face fell. “Oh, I see. I guess I was hoping- it’s silly really. Never mind.” She knew she was babbling, but it was the only way to keep herself from crying. She looked down at her feet as her ears and cheeks burned with embarrassment. The crowd seemed to have lost interest in their reunion. Talking had resumed and the next singer had taken the stage. She was glad that no one seemed to be paying her any attention.

He put his finger under her chin and forced her to look up at him. “I have to go back. But I don’t want to go back without finally making you mine.”

Her smile burst from her like the sun’s rays coming through a cloud. “We’ve finally found the right time?”

He chuckled lightly. “I think we have.” He pressed his lips against her forehead and she sighed contentedly. It was finally time.

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